Learning to....Just Be

I'm a diabetic. My blood sugar tells me so, my lack of insulin tells me so, my A1C tells me so. But why do I have such a hard time accepting it? Probably because for the past 23 years I lived a non-diabetic life. I ate what I wanted, drank what I wanted, and did what I wanted. Now those days are over and I am having to take baby steps.

Something as simple as eating lunch or taking my insulin seems to be impossible for me right now. I forgot to eat lunch today so therefor I also forgot to take my insulin and then tonight at dinner I sat down and started eating without even thinking twice about my insulin. My husband had to remind me and then fix it for me. What am I 2? No, I'm not...I'm actually a month old. So maybe all of this stuff is supposed to be so new to me that I forget sometimes...or maybe forgetfulness is just part of this disease. Yeah that is probably it :)

I want so badly to learn to "just be." I don't even know if that is possible, but if it is, I wanted it to happen yesterday. I am trying so hard to educate myself and be a "good diabetic," but I seem to keep tripping. Is it because I am trying to walk before I learn how to crawl? Do I need to slow down and take all of this in? If that is the case...I don't think diabetes is going to fit very well in to my plan. Or do I have to fit into the diabetes plan?

Everyone keeps saying that things will get better and I will figure out a routine, but what if I don't want a new routine...I like my old one just fine thank you! I do want to feel better though, and I do want to live so how do I manage to settle in to my new life with diabetes? It isn't as easy as some people think, but I'm trying..honestly I am!

Trying...
-Kimberlee